Peggy Boldizsar Nunley

Recently I received a letter of the last words written by my father. In November, of last year, he committed suicide and left me a final note. Because of the investigation regarding his death, it took three months for me to receive the letter he left for me. I wish I could say it was a letter of closure and healing, but instead it was a letter filled with pain and rejection. I knew opening the letter would be hard, but I had no idea the mark it would leave on my soul. There was –

No, Goodbye,

No, I will miss you,

No, I’m sorry,

No, I love you.

No, explanation of why….

There were just cold, direct, sharp words meant to steal the last drop of hope for closure or reconciliation.

After spending a lot of time in prayer, I’ve come to realize that I must make space for the places where unmet expectations kiss unsaid words. I must fight to not hold onto what wasn’t said, but what has already been said by my Heavenly Father that my earthy father was incapable of saying. So often in life we are held hostage by the darkness in others, that we are blinded to the light right in front of us. We seek to be seen and approved by those that have never walked in this freedom themselves. So…

We wait,

We hope,

We live disappointed in what was never said rather than embracing what was said over us since before we were born.

Maybe, like me, the last words you heard were not the last words you hoped for. Maybe you’re grieving what should have been said, opposed to what was said. I believe God has something to say to our hurting hearts. Our Heavenly Father modeled what every earthly father is meant to gift their son or daughter.

Father God claimed JESUS. “This is my beloved son…” JESUS knew who He was because His father claimed him as his own.

Often our identity is shaken and even lost when our earthly father neglects to claim us as their own. We ask – Who am I? Where do I belong? Many of us have felt the sting of abandonment and live seeking out our sense of belonging because we never received the ‘claiming’ of our father. We often seek it in other relationships which leaves us feeling betrayed when they fail to fill this empty void.

Can I share with you today, that your Father in Heaven CLAIMS YOU!

“But now, thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” – Isaiah 43:1

Father God blessed JESUS. “…in whom I’m well pleased.” 

JESUS knew he had the blessing and approval of His father. For many of you reading this, instead of a blessing from your father, you have felt the curse of his words or actions toward you. You have felt you could never measure up and have lived defeated by his presence, words, or actions toward you. For some, like me, you were robbed of innocence through his abuse or lived in broken trust of authorities by his harsh handling of your heart. This has left us fractured, living with a longing for approval.

You must know, Your Heavenly Father BLESSES YOU. He APPROVES of YOU. He takes GREAT DELIGHT in YOU!

“Everyone who believes has God’s approval through faith in Jesus Christ. There is no difference between people. All people have sinned, they have fallen short of God’s glory. They receive God’s approval freely by an act of his kindness through the price Christ Jesus paid to set us free.” – Romans 3:22-24

Father God sent/commissioned JESUS. “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”

After His baptism, JESUS, was thrust into 40 days of temptation in the wilderness. Led by the Spirit, given by His Father, JESUS was tempted. God never sent JESUS unprepared. Rather, He gave him everything He needed to be successful in the darkest moments of his life. The role of a father is to prepare us for the wilderness moments ahead of us. To equip us with His presence to sustain us in dark moments. For many of us, our fathers did not equip us but dismantled us. He did not send us but left us to wonder into the wilderness unprepared and unequipped to fight the darkness we would face. Because of this, many of us have found ourselves slaves to the shadows and victims of the enemy. Seeking comfort in empty promises, unmet expectations, and false narratives. But through a relationship with Jesus, we have been given POWER to overcome, and to pull down strongholds that seek to destroy us. When we walk in the Commission given by our Heavenly Father, we live on purpose with an eternal perspective, equipped to navigate our wilderness.

Our Heavenly Father, not only sent us BUT He said, “I will go with YOU”.-Matthew 28: 20

 In Him, we are equipped to destroy the works of darkness and live a life of overcoming lies and power to dismantle the plans of the enemy. He empowered us to defeat our wilderness and thrive in His promise land.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.“ – Psalms 23:4

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” – Acts 1:8

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine powerto demolish strongholds.” – 2 Cor. 10:4

The last words my earthly Father wrote me were meant to destroy me. To take my worth and value and belittle my identity. It was planted by the enemy to entrap me in unforgiveness, shame, and unresolved grief and anger. Maybe you have had some letters written to you, or words spoken over you, or circumstances thrown at you, that the enemy meant to destroy your vision, your heart, your purpose, your worth, or your identity.

Today you have a choice.

You get to decide how the rest of your story will be written.

Before you were ever born, Your Father inHeaven – He loved you. He saw you. He cherished you. He called you by name. He claimed you. He blesses you. He is with you.

Allow His words to define you, not what the enemy sent to entrap you.

When I think of the last words of my father, I think more about what wasn’t said than what was said. He couldn’t express love, because he lived absent from love. He couldn’t bless me, because he was never blessed. He couldn’t send me prepared, because he was simply trying to survive his own chaos and pain. He lived void of acceptance. All he knew how to pass was his own brokenness. My prayer is that the Lord would help my final words to be like my Father in Heaven.

“It is finished” – John 19:30

I pray I can say with my life,,,

It is finished.

I obeyed.

I stayed faithful.

I chose truth.

I ran my race well.

I knew I was loved, and so I loved well.

I finished the course laid out for me and I blessed those coming after me, with the same blessing my Father in Heaven blessed me.

I challenge you to pray this prayer with me…Father today, I ask for you to heal my broken heart. Every place I have allowed others to define my identity I release to you. I ask for your love to flood my heart. I release my offense, I forgive those that hurt me, because You don’t hold my sin against me. I see now, they didn’t know Your love, Your claiming, Your blessing, Your presence. Their pain defined them. Blinded they tried to control. They only knew how to pass the darkness that held them prisoner. Today I release them and take hold to You. I receive your Words and step into my identity as your daughter (or son). I belong to You. I am blessed by You. I am on assignment by You. You complete me. thank you, God for loving and releasing healing to me. In Jesus Name, Amen.