I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was the day God exposed a blind spot in my walk with Christ that has forever marked my walk. It was the day my Yes went to a continual yield, with no boundaries, no limits, no matter what it would look like or cost.
I was in a meeting with a prominent world Evangelist and a local mega church Pastor. I had called the meeting because Awe Star was hosting a student conference that was being held at a this local church, but the Evangelist I had asked to be the main speaker, was from a different denomination.
Now you may be thinking, “surely this girl knows mixing denominations up like this is against all the ‘unspoken’ church rules?” However, though I knew those rules were in place, I felt this conference was an ‘exception’ and surely, I could convince the local pastor that this evangelist was different. He walked in the power of the Holy Spirit, humility, and was full of the Word of God. Once they met, I was certain, those little doctrinal differences could be set aside for the better of the whole church & the cause of reaching the next generation. This youth event would have diverse church backgrounds and the ‘details’ of tongues or no tongues, could be put aside. I mean, we all had the same Holy Spirit, right?!
The meeting seemed to be going well. Everyone was smiling, the heart of all at the table was to reach the next generation and everyone was being generous with their time, gifts, and resources. I cast the vision of the conference and why I had chosen this specific evangelist to speak. Then came what I’ll call “sensitive” topics. I shared how we would have students from diverse backgrounds, Baptist, Christian, Assembly, Methodist, Pentecostal and unchurched. I asked the Evangelist, if he would feel comfortable, to use a language everyone could engage in. For the sake of removing hidden religious obstacles and walls, could he use language in his preaching that would bring everyone to the table? For example, instead of saying ‘demon’, he could use the word ‘stronghold’ or instead of saying ‘baptized in the Holy Spirit’, he could say ‘be filled with or full of the Spirit’. The adjustment of the language seemed minor and could help minimize instant walls for those in the room that had different doctrinal stances or church language.
The evangelist shook his head in agreement and then began to speak. He said, “Peggy, I hear all your saying. I understand working with diverse denominations and how important it is to bring unity to the body of Christ. And I can do all that you’re asking. There is just one problem.” Intrigued and sure we could resolve it, I said, “Whatever it is, I’m sure we can work around it! What is the issue you see?” He then proceeded to say, “I don’t think I’m your speaker for this event. Though I can change my language and make my message more palatable to everyone listening, I cannot control the Holy Spirit. Whenever I preach, He comes, people manifest, and God delivers them.”
And there it was.
The statement that confronted my blind spot and marked my faith forever.
“I cannot control the Holy Spirit.”
As soon as he said those words it was like a blinder was lifted from my eyes and I saw years and years of ministry flash before me. I then heard the Holy Spirit speak to my heart these words, “Peggy, you are ashamed of my social skills.” In one devastating moment, I realized I had been grieving the Holy Spirit most of my Christian life.
I quickly asked the men if I could have time to pray and get back with them both. Under instant conviction I went to my office and began to talk to God. Holy Spirit began showing me how changing the language to appease a group of people wasn’t to bring unity, but to minimize the workings of the Holy Spirit so that there wasn’t anything that embarrassed me or others. I couldn’t have people falling out in the spirit, speaking in tongues, uncontrollable laughter or manifesting where demons needed to be cast out. I didn’t want messy. I wanted a clean movement of the spirit that looked organized, intelligent, and religious. An event where I could walk away and feel like we hosted the presence of God in a dignified manner. But the truth was, I was ashamed of what would happen if the Holy Spirit showed up in full power.
I wanted the effects of what I saw in the Evangelists’ ministry, but without the undignified results that happened when broken, tormented, spiritually sick people encounter a supernatural God.
The mega church pastor called me as soon as he got back to his church and met with his Senior Pastor. He said, “Peggy we have spent 5 years building the church to where it is, and we cannot allow one night of manifestations to destroy all we have built. We can find you another speaker. We have tons of youth pastors that would do a great job for you!”
When I hung up the phone, I knew what God was saying. I immediately called the Evangelist and repented for asking him to change his language in his preaching. I then asked him to speak at the conference without hinderance or guidelines. I then asked him to pray, because I knew this decision would cost me friendships, funding, and a facility to host the conference.
I determined that day, I would no longer live a lifestyle of grieving the Holy Spirit.
If He had my Yes, then He would always have my continual yield.
I began that day praying a dangerous prayer,
“God expose my blind spots. Any place I am deceived, open my eyes to see what You see”
You see the truth about deception, is that when we are deceived, we don’t actually know it.
As I read the scriptures, I find that anyone God used greatly, always began with a Yes, but they only kept the anointing and the presence of God in their life, by giving their continual yield.
Abraham said Yes to going to a land he did not know, forsaking his relatives, and the familiarity of his culture. He said yes to being faithful and honoring God with his blessings, even blessing others, with what he had received. But when God asked for the seed of his promise, his beloved son Isaac, God demanded his yield.
In Hebrews 11:17-19a it says, “By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and the one who had received the promises was offering up his only son; it was he to whom it was said, “Through Isaac your descendants shall be named. He considered that God was able to raise people even from the dead,”
When Abraham gave God his yield, to sacrifice his own son, the one whom the promise was to come through, he didn’t know God would provide a ram. He only knew, if God asked for him to kill his son, God would somehow provide, even raise the dead, if necessary.
How about you?
Do you believe God will provide, even when you’re asked to sacrifice your Promise back to God?
How you answer that question will tell you how deeply you trust God in your Yield.
You see the test of our Yield is never in the moments of our Yes. But they are in the moments that our Yes on our terms has run out. It’s when the terms of agreement have changed and now God asks for a surrender that cannot be accomplished by your strength or your mustered faith, but can only be accomplished by your complete and total trust in the One who can, but may not, raise the dead or provide the ram.
This is your continual Yield, where you choose to give moment by moment yielding. Jesus demonstrated this truth when He cried, “Not my will but Yours.” In His anguish he cried out what He willfully chose, during his body sweating blood, in distress. “And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” Luke 22:44
When we choose to Agree with God in a continual yield, the enemy will have no foothold in us.
Sometimes we believe afraid. And that’s ok. I imagine Abraham did just that,
He believed, afraid.
He trusted, afraid.
He yielded, afraid.
He placed his son on the alter, afraid.
He raised the knife, afraid.
He paused as the angel of the Lord called his name from Heaven, afraid.
God is going to ask you to Yield, afraid. But know, you won’t be alone. Your Yield will provoke others to give God theirs!
Please pray this prayer with me:
God, I choose to trust you. I give you every blockage, every fear, every known or unknown inner vow that has held me back from complete trust and abandonment to you. Forgive me for living a lifestyle of grieving your Spirit to accommodate my comfort. Help me to embrace Your Spirit this week in ways I have never imagined. I choose this day to give you my continual yield, even when I feel afraid. I release control, and give You permission to do whatever pleases You. I choose more of you and less of me. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Isaiah 63:10, Acts 7:51, Ephesians 4:30, 1 Thessalonians 5:19; Hebrews 11:7-19
“For most of my life, I would see how close I could get to the line, only to find myself barely putting my foot in the water of daring faith. I’ll never forget the day I realized I could no longer live halfway in. The Holy Spirit dared me to go all in, and I knew I could no longer go back once I stepped. I have never regretted my leap! You will not either! Live to go so far that you can’t go back to what’s safe. It’s ok to cover your eyes and scream, “I believe! Lord, help my unbelief,” as you jump!”
–I AM HIS, Peggy Boldizsar Nunley
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